Mar
10
Filed Under Wordless Wednesday | 18 Comments
Mar
8
I haven’t said much the last several days. I’ve been quiet, and people have reached out, wondering if everything is okay.
Yes, and no.
My shrink has been pressing me for a while to be angry. Urging me to let it out, and leading me in psychological exercises to release my brain. For years, I held in my feelings, because I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. Having PTSD, I have been emotionally numb, and allowed myself not to be the Andria that I knew. And, loved.
After being verbally attacked, being told that I was a liar, and being called crazy over the weekend… I got angry.
I AM ANGRY.
I allowed myself to be controlled; to have someone tell me how what a terrible person I was. That no one liked me, that I was a bad wife, and the worst mother they had ever seen. That I was boring, for not condoning substance abuse. Having someone use emotional warfare against me. Being told that people couldn’t stand me, and that I didn’t have any friends. That, NO ONE LIKED ME. I was a pathetic excuse for a human being.
None of that is true. I am none of those things. I can’t allow myself to sit down right now, because I am so angry at him.
So, I am keeping myself busy, but allowing myself to feel. For the first time in years, I can feel. I can’t even begin to describe how much easier I am breathing. I don’t feel on edge, I’m not depressed, and for the first time last night, I slept.
I am angry and… I couldn’t be happier.
Filed Under Trials | 13 Comments
Mar
6
Isn’t it funny how pregnancy suddenly makes people extremely touchy, and random strangers will grab your belly or want to strike up conversation? It doesn’t bother me though… Not as much as when the baby is born and people want to touch the baby’s fingers with their GERMY hands, and I start flipping out, because, THE FINGERS. People, if you want to touch the head, the feet, whatever, that’s fine. Just not the FINGERS that they stick in their mouth.
Anyway, today Ailane had a volleyball game, and it was hilarious in the range of comments I received. I’m either waaaay too small or, I am HUGE. Which, leaves me feeling like I am going to give birth to either an Ethiopian baby, or an elephant. They are my own personal Goldilocks– too big, too small, juuuuust right.
There was one person who was so persistent, that they came up to me three different times to inform me how huge I was. Seriously? I know my belly is sticking out. I am right at full-term. The baby is between 5.5 and 6 lbs right now.
What do you say to that?!
Filed Under Pregnancy | 14 Comments
